via Daily Prompt: Forlorn
At times I wonder, am I delusional? Why don’t I feel more hopeless, unfulfilled, abandoned? Maybe I should, maybe I’m in denial. Whatever the case, I don’t feel forlorn and I can’t help but wonder why.
Nearly two years ago I left a good job in a rather toxic environment. I had no real plan except to try life on my own for a while, pursuing long suppressed interests and taking odd jobs where I could find them. This road has not been lucrative and I can clearly see my financial reserves dwindling. While there are some interesting prospects on the horizon nothing is guaranteed. Admittedly, at times I have trouble sleeping. I think this is due to boredom more than anything else.
Any yet, during the day I’m hopeful, happy even. Foolishly optimistic about a future that is anything but certain. Am I delusional? Should I be more forlorn? The answer to each is an empahtic no. I’ve realized that it’s the uncertainty that I love. The climb that motivates so much more than the fleeting joy at reaching a destination. Who knew?